From Heathen, with love....

Driver: Ben Stiller.
Surely he would be doing something spontaneously(?) goofy, thereby causing his passengers to laugh uproariously. The resultant cacophony would then cause him to careen off a cliff, sending him back to the den of Satan from whence he came….

Passenger: Renee Zellweger.
The perpetual lemon-sucker and purveyor of plastic surgery can surely not scream whilst she puckers?

Back Left: Matthew McConaughy.
He’s southern. He’s shirtless. He’s a douche.

Back Middle: Al Pacino
Why hasn’t this guy overacted himself to death already?

Back Right: Nancy Grace
She has a face for radio and a voice to match? (N.B. I don’t listen to the radio).

Trunk: Those fecking Cavemen.
How did I waste an entire hour of my life (not to mention good reefer) on these advertisement-cum-sitcom hacks?

I have to say that I am very happy to see that the trend of wrtting your own DeathCar is catching on. It not only gives people a clearer window into the soul of the author, but it saves me the time of being awake. I'm also surprised it took this long for someone to throw Ben Stiller in their car. That guy's bit got real old, real fast. Just like his corpse. Sitting lifeless, in a rolled vehicle. Rotting. With birds picking at his eyes.

Also, Al Pacino's head is in his lap.

1 comment:

  1. Suzieju11:53

    Death Death Car:
    Die again for the second time.

    Already dead, but man i'm glad that they are. The following people were driving through one of the 7 plains of hell on their vacation when they drove into a bus of dead nuns. All 5 passengers died, again - for the second time.

    Driver: Hitler
    Man that guy really sucked. He was busy eating a McDonalds Big Mac and got some special sauce on this upper lip, which forced his car to lose control and hit the bus of nuns.

    Shotgun: Walt Disney
    Hitler's right hand man and gay lover. They do everything together.

    Back Seat 1: Garth Brooks
    Shit! He's not dead. Damn, i thought it was him. My mistake, i was thinking of Chris Gaines.

    Back Seat 2: Lady Diana
    This chick did absolutely jack squat for the world, so she died and became some kinda of martyr, who for some gd reason was mourned heavier than Mother Teresa. To make it worse Elton John rewrote one of his gay songs for her and made a major fortune off of it. She's the only one out of the group who died in two car accidents... What a pity.

    Back Seat 3: Anna Nicole Smith
    Anna and Lady Diana deserve to be together. Maybe they are brushing each other's hair and having sleepovers in HELL.


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