Brand New Kids in the Hall

A little late for Kids in the Hall Week, but Tach insisted.


Death to Magibon.

She set up a Japanese Youtube account but she is really an American. In her videos, she will stare into the webcam doing nothing for like 2 minutes. Maybe at the 1 minute mark she will do a japanese peace sign. But other than that, nothing.

It creates an intensely creepy effect, as if there are hundreds of men standing in a circle around her jacking off on her face, but they're not there ---- BUT THEY ARE BECAUSE THIS IS THE INTERNET

Fake Japanese nonporn wins.


This chicks dick is giving me a boner.

I like how she has that look on her face like she knows you want her. Men want to have sexual intercourse with her, like they want to have sexual intercourse with an electric eel.

Blah blah dog, blah blah something...

DeathCar has just become the look what YouTube did site.

It's sad.

It's lazy.

You do better.

Real Poems 2

pointed dagger
scratching the skin
vessels popping
o what a din!

sadistic sounds
screaming banshees
warning of death
senseless ending!

demonic faults
black road taken
warlocks mating
death forsaken!

blood cocktails
entrails sear
horror prevails!

dawn approaches
mischievous sprite
silence deafens
early twilight!

Real Poems

The Suffering of Silence
I cry silent tears
no one is watching
I scream silent screams
no one is listening
My heart silently shatters
no one even noticed
I long for the release of my pain
no one really cares
the love I have for her dies slowly
she never really cared
the pain and sorrow of my life
will torment me for all time
"All is well" in the minds of others
but only my eyes can tell the tale
those lifeless globes that show only heartache and suffering
seeing nothing but pain and loneliness
I am shrouded in the darkness of despair
wandering silently in my private hell... forever

Coons steal.

So this don't got shit to do with nothing, but this video makes me happy. I just like the way the raccoon looks like it really needs a door mat, and this may be it's last chance to get one.

I need a movie so fucking badly.

How did people make fun of people before the internet? Was it like a big game of telephone, where some dude saw some drunk chick fall on her face, and he told a friend, who told a friend, who told a friend, and then she was suddenly naked and had gun and was drinking shit from a champagne flute?

Well? WAS IT?????

Quickly crashing through your veinshistory.

Tay Zonday is so fucking perfect in every way that it makes me want to smash out my eyeballs with my own dick.

Chocolate Rain
Some stay dry and others feel the pain
Chocolate Rain
A baby born will die before the sin

Chocolate Rain
The school books say it can't be here again
Chocolate Rain
The prisons make you wonder where it went

Chocolate Rain
Build a tent and say the world is dry
Chocolate Rain
Zoom the camera out and see the lie

Chocolate Rain
Forecast to be falling yesterday
Chocolate Rain
Only in the past is what they say

Chocolate Rain
Raised your neighborhood insurance rates
Chocolate Rain
Makes us happy 'livin in a gate

Chocolate Rain
Made me cross the street the other day
Chocolate Rain
Made you turn your head the other way

Chocolate Rain
quickly crashing through your veinshistory
Chocolate Rain
Using you to fall back down again

Chocolate Rain
Seldom mentioned on the radio
Chocolate Rain
Its the fear your leaders call control

Chocolate Rain
Worse than swearing worse than calling names
Chocolate Rain
Say it publicly and you're insane

Chocolate Rain
No one wants to hear about it now
Chocolate Rain
Wish real hard it goes away somehow

Chocolate Rain
Makes the best of friends begin to fight
Chocolate Rain
But did they know each other in the light?

Chocolate Rain
Every February washed away
Chocolate Rain
Stays behind as colors celebrate

Chocolate Rain
The same crime has a higher price to pay
chocolate Rain
The judge and jury swear it's not the face


Chocolate Rain
Dirty secrets of economy
Chocolate Rain
Turns that body into GDP

Chocolate Rain
The bell curve blames the baby's DNA
Chocolate Rain
But test scores are how much the parents make

Chocolate Rain
'Flippin cars in France the other night
Chocolate Rain
Cleans the sewers out beneath Mumbai

Chocolate Rain
'Cross the world and back its all the same
Chocolate Rain
Angels cry and shake their heads in shame

Chocolate Rain
Lifts the ark of paradise in sin
Chocolate Rain
Which part do you think you're 'livin in?

Chocolate Rain
More than 'marchin more than passing law
Chocolate Rain
Remake how we got to where we are.

Fuck ya.

Fact: DeathCar loves monkeys doing human shit.

Fact: This video may bump the monkey riding the goat on a tightrope out of the top 10.

Fact: Whats the Top Ten?

Fact: Fuck you, that's what.

Why is this blog called DeathCar again?

Well, it's a damn long time since we had a classic DeathCar submission to the old blog, so without further ado, here it is...

I just turned 30 over the weekend. It made me feel old and bitter. I think that's the exact kind of mood I could tap into and submit a new death car!

Driver: Shaquille O'neal. Because he's an oaf, because of Kazaam and because he deflowers white virgins.

Shotgun: The lady who works @ the Trading Post on Mayne Island. Because she is an old fucking coot. Plus she wouldn't respond to my come-ons. I don't care if she's not famous.

Back left: Nardwaur. His title is the human serviette. Let's see if he can clean up this fine mess.

Child seat: the goddess bunny. Who wouldn't like to see that thing go through a windshield in an ejection seat?

Back right: Charleton Heston. Because dying once wasn't enough. And because I would like to see him sit beside goddess bunny.

Trunk: People who watch reality television and lie about doing so. And anyone who watches the hills, regardless of whether they admit it or not.

And can we strap Scrappy Doo to the hood ornament please? He is pretty fucking annoying.

Also, stop by canadian tire, pick up a roof rack and strap that fucking guy that did all those canadian tire commercials to it while you're at it. Everyone fucking hates that guy.

Also, please strap the bald weatherman with the glasses to the car, as his response to Canuck heckling was "next year". Actually, scratch that, make room in the trunk for any Canucks fan that says "next year" in response to this season.

PS - Can you please change shotgun to Ellen page. Because she is in every fucking second movie released in the last year and im fucking tired of hearing her name.

Gary Busey re-invents crazy / rock bottom.

Quick Deathcar Snippet:

Some guy from Maxim was interviewing Gary Busey:

Maxim: What was the freakiest thing you ever snorted blow off of when you were a prominent coke fiend?

Gary Busey: I came home one day, took off my windbreaker, and three bindles of cocaine fell to the floor. Well, my dog, Chili, who has short hair, came in and laid on her back with her legs in the air, and she rubbed all my cocaine on her back and side. I yelled, "No, Chili! No" So I got a straw, and I started brushing her hair and snorting where I saw cocaine. Back, butt, side -- not a spot was left. It took me 25 minutes to snort all the cocaine the dog had on her coat. The fringe benefits of this were that the fleas, the dog hair, the mud, and the sweat went in my nose, too. It's not a good flavor coming off the dog.

The Beachcombers

Fun Fact: If you go and visit Molly's Reach today, you can visit the body of Relic who is buried under the deep fryer!

Pepsi Power Hour

It's hard to believe that J.D.Roberts is now a respect news anchor for CNN. I think they should add more ex-Vj's as on-air talent. They could have Michael Williams do sports, and Teresa Roncon do weather, and maybe Rick the temp could do those human interest stories where they visit some farm and see a giant pumpkin, or give you tips on how to stay cool in the summer.

You can't do that on television.

I would like to see the dog from the Littlest Hobo on You Can't Do That On Television and say "I don't know", and get slimed. Then he would say "water" and clean himself off. Of course, it would all just sound like a dog barking and therefore it's just a bunch of kids performing animal cruelty on National Television.

I wish.

The Littlest Hobo

So I was talking to my old friend Dennis the Wizard the other day, and he reminded me that today jump-starts Canadian Television Week here at the old Deathcar.

We begin with the old trusty Littlest Hobo. Quick question, why did that filthy dog have a gun???

The DeathCar Vs. Bacon saga continues...

You ever get a boner so big it hurts? Like you are running out of skin?


This is a very important human. In fact he is a superior human. He is Canadian and he has a cool cane like Dr. House. (Dr. House should get a skull head cane.) And he is a rapper. And he is from Canada.

Anyway this guy's name is Chuggo.

He puts mayonaise on Everything.

Sasktouch yourself.

This should be the plot of a teen movie where 4 guys make a pact to lose their virginity before prom and one of them fucks a table.

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