Burial Plots.



Today we begin our celebration of the past with a throw-back post. This was originally posted on December 2nd 2004, but it was written well over a year before that. It's a list of plots. Plots for what you ask? Nothing. That sounds stupid? So does your Mom when she begs for change on the street corner. Too far? Maybe.

So anyways, I fully expect these to be made into movies, tv shows, books, plays or bumper stickers by the end of the work week. Why? Because they are fucking fantastic. Whats with all the questions anyways?

A Half man half cow falls in love with a murder of crows.

Hagar the Horrible tries out for the New York Jets.

A professional pianist orders a bologne sandwich, and instead receives skin cancer.

notorious religious figure takes a Honda Civic on a test drive.

A scientist develops a new global language that bridges all culture gaps. (English).

Malcome Jamal Warner dies of loneliness.

The Acadamy Awards add a new Oscar for ‘best nude scene’.

Your next door neighbor learns to surf.

A disgruntled janitor switches the regular handsoap with Cool Whip.

Troy joins the circus as a glass eater. Later dies in hospital.

A monkey brings down ‘NAFTA’ from the inside.

A nun starts up a Direct Marketing firm.

NASCAR floats into space.

A covent of witches replace the cast of ‘Will & Grace’.

Mr.Kool-Aid finds himself in financial difficulty.

Matt a hole to China. He fills it with dead Chinese people.

Shindler’s List 2: Die Harder

A spotted Donkey realizes he’s a Cheetah.

A beaver, a bee, and an ant fight to resolve “who works harder”.

Gwen Stefani teaches Frank how to swim. Later, Frank convicted of sexual harrasment.

Denzel Washington registers as a sex offender.

A woman gives birth to a Cellular telephone.

A grocery store invades Afganistan.

Gary Sinese walks a fine line between Actor and Product.

The city of Atlanta gets pregnant.

A homeless man turns out to be Scott E Moil.

A police officer misplaces his gun at the French’s mustard factory.

A small coffee shop goes out of business.

A mongoose questions it’s own existence.

The eldest son in a broken home has to deal with being the new “Dad”. Later kills self.

Davey Replaces his own eyes with olives. Power of sight unaffected.

Charles in Charge: The Movie

A painful memory haunts a ’71 Plymouth GTX

Wayne Gretzky comes to terms with the fact that his penile disorder was all in his head.

Jer discovers the ‘meaning of life’ and trades it to Ted Turner for a sitcom on CNN.

The soul of a dead bass player haunts the Goodyear blimp.

Warren Beatty’s head explodes after discovering that his Solo Album went ‘gold’.

A Deli serves up the tastiest Rueben sandwich ever made, and charges a mere $3.99.

The second coming of Christ gets aborted.

Native tribes across the country admit that they were “just screwing with us”.

Adam erects a 500ft statue of himself. Later, given key to city.

2017 – Federal election replaced with a tug ‘o’ war.

Hef replaces costly ‘Playmates’ with ‘Papermate’…later found to be senile.

A new day is added to the 7 day calender week. The new day? – Tuesday Jr.

A mailman invents a cum swallowing machine, and only sells one…....for 1 billion dollars.

Bob Marley becomes the first black American President that is a ghost.

2 comments:

  1. Gene Siskel16:56

    That was nothing but rehashed ideas from the golden days. Well atleast the "Moustache" page still seems fresh.
    Mabye it's time that guy who writes Deathcar puts himself in a deathcar of his own.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll be damned if I'm gonna take that kind of abuse from a fucking ghost!!!

    ReplyDelete

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