Jesus & Me


So, it's been made fairly apparent recently that people think DeathCar and the people involved are not on good terms with Jesus Christ. So we here at DeathCar decided to go to the big man himself and tackle this controversial topic. One fine Sunday afternoon, we visited a quaint little coffee shop in Linden, Washington and had a chat with Jesus and here's that chat:

DC: So, Mr. Christ, you're looking awfully good today. I see you've got highlights in your hair now.

JC: Oh, please, please, the Jesus goes by the name Jee-Cee. Or J.C. if you prefer, Mr. Christ is the Jesus' father...well...no...actually, God is the Jesus' father, he doesn't really have a last name. Who does that guy think he is anyway, huh?

DC: Ha-ha. We'll go with J.C.

JC: It's the one the kids like these days.

DC: So, first off, I have to thank you from all of us here at DeathCar, for doing this little interview.

JC: Wait. You're from DeathCar? I hate DeathCar! I SMITE YOU DOWN!!!
No. No. No. I kid. I kid. Wait. No. Don't cry. It was a joke. A joke. JC loves the DeathCar.

DC: Oh? (sniff-sniff) Funny.

JC: Here's a tissue. Sorry about that. The Jesus guesses being scolded by your saviour is kind of a big deal. Sometimes the Jesus just don't think.

But back to business. Yeah, DeathCar...Jesus love that shit. Funny stuff. Jesus reads it from time to time. Hey, you should do one on that Elisabeth Hasselbeck chick. Throw that skinny little white girl's Conservative ass in a DeathCar and drive it off a cliff.

DC: I think we did all ready, but for you? We can always do it again and by posting this interview, I guess we just did...and with an extra Messiah's touch. Thank Jesus, kids.

JC: Thanks, Jesus.

DC: No, I'm talking to the kids. You can't thank yourself.

JC: The Jesus is the Jesus. Jesus can thank Roseanne Barr for She-Devil, if Jesus wants.

DC: If you do that, we might have to put you in a DeathCar next.

JC: You'd put the Baby Jesus in a DeathCar? What kind of monsters are you?

DC: The kind of monsters that like their movies and have no room for shit-hogs like She-Devil or Look Who's Talking Too.

JC: This interview is over. The Jesus don't like the tone you're taking with the Jesus.

DC: That's fine with me, you egotistical jerk.

JC: Hey, hey. The Jesus has every right to be egotistical, he's the motherfuckin' Jesus. So, why don't you go on back to Canada, eh?


...and that concluded our short, but very educational interview. So there you, people, up to this point, we've been on the same side of Jesus, so you had no right speak of us so wrongly....but now you do, I guess.


2 comments:

  1. That was wierd.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "No room for shit hogs like She-Devil and Look Who's Talking"...fucking amazing.

    ReplyDelete

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