Jesus & Me

So, it's been made fairly apparent recently that people think DeathCar and the people involved are not on good terms with Jesus Christ. So we here at DeathCar decided to go to the big man himself and tackle this controversial topic. One fine Sunday afternoon, we visited a quaint little coffee shop in Linden, Washington and had a chat with Jesus and here's that chat:

DC: So, Mr. Christ, you're looking awfully good today. I see you've got highlights in your hair now.

JC: Oh, please, please, the Jesus goes by the name Jee-Cee. Or J.C. if you prefer, Mr. Christ is the Jesus' father...well...no...actually, God is the Jesus' father, he doesn't really have a last name. Who does that guy think he is anyway, huh?

DC: Ha-ha. We'll go with J.C.

JC: It's the one the kids like these days.

DC: So, first off, I have to thank you from all of us here at DeathCar, for doing this little interview.

JC: Wait. You're from DeathCar? I hate DeathCar! I SMITE YOU DOWN!!!
No. No. No. I kid. I kid. Wait. No. Don't cry. It was a joke. A joke. JC loves the DeathCar.

DC: Oh? (sniff-sniff) Funny.

JC: Here's a tissue. Sorry about that. The Jesus guesses being scolded by your saviour is kind of a big deal. Sometimes the Jesus just don't think.

But back to business. Yeah, DeathCar...Jesus love that shit. Funny stuff. Jesus reads it from time to time. Hey, you should do one on that Elisabeth Hasselbeck chick. Throw that skinny little white girl's Conservative ass in a DeathCar and drive it off a cliff.

DC: I think we did all ready, but for you? We can always do it again and by posting this interview, I guess we just did...and with an extra Messiah's touch. Thank Jesus, kids.

JC: Thanks, Jesus.

DC: No, I'm talking to the kids. You can't thank yourself.

JC: The Jesus is the Jesus. Jesus can thank Roseanne Barr for She-Devil, if Jesus wants.

DC: If you do that, we might have to put you in a DeathCar next.

JC: You'd put the Baby Jesus in a DeathCar? What kind of monsters are you?

DC: The kind of monsters that like their movies and have no room for shit-hogs like She-Devil or Look Who's Talking Too.

JC: This interview is over. The Jesus don't like the tone you're taking with the Jesus.

DC: That's fine with me, you egotistical jerk.

JC: Hey, hey. The Jesus has every right to be egotistical, he's the motherfuckin' Jesus. So, why don't you go on back to Canada, eh?


...and that concluded our short, but very educational interview. So there you, people, up to this point, we've been on the same side of Jesus, so you had no right speak of us so wrongly....but now you do, I guess.

I SPILT GOAT'S BLOOD ON MY AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT

this is simply amazing....I also write another blog, reviewing film scores and received this amazing comment on it.....just read, kids....just read.

Raul P****e said...

Leave behind this sinful music and ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST as your SAVIOUR!

Eternity is a really long time. Don't ruin it by listening to EVIL MUSIC.

If you or someone close to you listens to this music, and has not accepted God, please do so today. The following prayer can save you or someone that you love.

Say: "Oh God, save my soul. I'm so sorry that I have sinned against you, but I have come home. I will serve you, Lord, the rest of my life. Deliver me from all my sinful habits. Set me free! I do believe Jesus died on Calvary for me, and I believe in His blood, that there is power in His blood to wash away all my sins, all my sins!"

Say: "Come into my heart, Jesus; come on in, Jesus. Come on in!"

If you meant it, He has come. If you meant it, Jesus is yours. Start reading your Bible, pray daily and believe that somebody's listening; His name is Jesus.


cuckoo77 says : wow.


I don't even know where to begin...film scores, pisswad, FILM SCORES! My buddy, Raul, here gives Christianity a good name....spread the word, kids.

Regular Jesus was a pussy.

He just needed to work out more. He never would have died on that cross if he had had the muscles to break offa there. I'm not saying he needed to use the cream and the clear or anything. I'm just saying that a few more hours in Ye Olde Roman Gym per week would have kept Our Savior in the fighting shape he needed to be in.

Our elite team of DeathCar Scientists, working 24 hours a day in a top secret underground bunker, have come up with the illustration shown here. The gentleman in question is known as Ripped Jesus. If you look closely you will see that Jesus is easily breaking not one but both of the crossbeams. The nails in his hands aren't even slowing him down. He thought that a fly bit him or something.

In short: I do not believe in Regular Jesus. He is not My Savior any more. I only pray to Ripped Jesus. And I invite you all to join me.

-Tach

The Passion of the Peach Pit (After Dark).

Thunder Tits went there.

"So does that mean we should put Jesus in the death car? I think he should ride shot gun, it seems fitting to his position in the heirarchy of heaven.
Who should drive Jesus' car of death?
I think maybe Lisa Marie Preistly. Just because. And they both have a father inferiority complex."

So I Google Searched "Lisa Marie Preistly" and Google threw up on me. It turns out that LMP does indeed share the same last name as her father (who was the King of Rock & Roll),and not an aging teen sensation, (who was the King of the Andreas Zuckerman's Ass).

Anyways, names aside, Thunder made some hay with her Jesus blast, and that is worth 10 DeathCar Points. Where can you redeem these points? At your Mom's house. What does that even mean? It doesn't matter. Idiot.