H.M.B.L.T.B.W.E.F.2.F.R. Day 6 (X Japan)

OK, so it's Day 6 of The Hair Metal Band Death Tour Bus Week Extravaganza Fest 2008 For Realz, and we are goning to change things up a bit. You see, new friend to the blog Ryan D decided to send in a video link (below) that blew my mind. So instead of entering this band as a DeathCar nom, I am sending them directly to the coveted Life Ambulance. What band could this possibly be you ask? Well my tubby foe, the band in question is none other than X Japan.

What do I know about X Japan? Nothing. Actually that's not entirely true. I know that they formed in 1983, and they refuse to compromise their rock for anyone including the Devil himself. So put your hands together, click play, and enjoy. Shit is about to get honest.



So I guess this makes it the The Hair Metal Band Life Ambulance Tour Bus Week Extravaganza Fest 2008 For Realz

Game on!

So after a brief hiatus from the carnage, I thought it would be nice to ease back into it with a Life Ambulance nomination.

Now for those of you that may be new to the blog, the Life Ambulance is a sort of Hall of Fame for those few that we feel deserve a lifetime pass from the DeathCar. Current members include: Corky from Life Goes On, Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs (her soul however is in the DeathCar), Mike Tyson, and Carl Fucking Weathers.

So I am proud to announce, the newest inductee into the Life Ambulance is....(drumroll)...

Tom Sizemore.

Now, before you flip out, let me explain. Tom Sizemore is not only a gifted Hollywood actor, but he also directs and stars in his own low-budget adult movies. These epics often include himself feeding prostitutes copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, and performing various sex acts upon them (most of which have humourus nicknames). He also dabbles in other non-industry related hobbies which include beating the shit out of Heidi Fleiss, and cheating on drug tests by peeing clean urine through a fake penis during drug tests.

Basically, this guy has directly caused me more entertainment than any movie, televison show, and videogame I have ever seen or played combined. And for this unselfish act, he is now and forever inducted into The Life Ambulance. Congratulations Tom, you earned it.

Ta Da.

Carl Fucking Weathers

Just a quick hit. Has anyone else noticed that when you type DeathCar with an exclamation point on the end (like this: DeathCar!), it looks like DeathCarl? Who is this DeathCarl? Is he some drunk behind the wheel? Am I? Why is this even a post? Who knows. Who cares. Who?!?!

Anyways, that's been bugging me for weeks.

So in conclusion, let's put Carl Weathers in the Life Ambulance. Why? Because he's Carl Fucking Weathers, that's why!

Mike, welcome to the Life Ambulance.

Compilation Of Funniest Tyson Quotes - Watch more free videos

DeathCar friend T-Rex sent this to me, and well, it inspired me. Clearly, Mike Tyson has rose to the ranks of "Superior Human", and he deserves an honour that compliments the boy he was, the man he is and the legend he will soon be. That is why today here at DeathCar, we are inducting Mike Tyson into the Life Ambulance. congratulations Mike, your are Officially untouchable (unlike all those women you blessed with your fists).

I know what your Boobs did last summer.

Thunder Tits is right. If someone does not share similar interests with you, and they are famous, they should die.

Speaking of my huge muscles, here is a brand new DeathCar by Thunder.

Driver: Ben Affleck
Shotgun: Matt Daemon
Back left: J-lo
Middle: Jenny Love Hewitt
Right: Enrique Iglesias
Trunk: Tyra Banks

I particularly enjoy how Double T has decided that Tyra Bank's fat ass needs an entire trunk, normally reserved for large groups of people, to hold it. That is setting a new standard here at the old blog. Fat people go in the trunk. So it was written, so it was done. I also like the addition of the Mensa Twins, and Mexico Iglesias. I do however need to take acception to the addition of Jennifer Love Hewwitt, or just "Love" as I call her (because we are close friends). I find it offensive that you would include such beautiful breats in such a violent act. May I suggest you include the rest of her body in the DeathCar, but promote her mounds to the Life Ambulance? Wait....it just happened. So it was written, so it was done. I could get used to this.

UPDATE: Wow, so it turns out when you google "Jennifer Love Hewitt", you get fan drawings of her (above). It appears that this person had the fantasy that Jennifer was in a fire made of ghosts. Amazing. Simply amazing.

Life Ambulance Goes On...

So I decided to google the word "DeathCar" just to make sure that nobody out there was "ripping fresh slices form my downward stylo", as the kids that hang out out in front of my local 7-11 often say, and I came across this little gem. I'm not sure what's better, the fact that somebody took the time to upload old footage of "Life Goes On" to YouTube and label it "Death Car", or that this is the perfect way to launch the much talked about anti-DeathCar...

"Can you create a 'life ambulance' in which awesome people are preserved for future generations?" -Tachikoma

I personally can't think of anyone better suited to launch such an idea. So without further ado, I would like to present the first Life Ambulance Award to Chris "Corky" Burke. Corky will be forever granted immunity from the DeathCar no matter how shitty a person he may become later in life. We here at DeathCar salute you.