Well, it's a damn long time since we had a classic DeathCar submission to the old blog, so without further ado, here it is...
I just turned 30 over the weekend. It made me feel old and bitter. I think that's the exact kind of mood I could tap into and submit a new death car!
Driver: Shaquille O'neal. Because he's an oaf, because of Kazaam and because he deflowers white virgins.
Shotgun: The lady who works @ the Trading Post on Mayne Island. Because she is an old fucking coot. Plus she wouldn't respond to my come-ons. I don't care if she's not famous.
Back left: Nardwaur. His title is the human serviette. Let's see if he can clean up this fine mess.
Child seat: the goddess bunny. Who wouldn't like to see that thing go through a windshield in an ejection seat?
Back right: Charleton Heston. Because dying once wasn't enough. And because I would like to see him sit beside goddess bunny.
Trunk: People who watch reality television and lie about doing so. And anyone who watches the hills, regardless of whether they admit it or not.
And can we strap Scrappy Doo to the hood ornament please? He is pretty fucking annoying.
Also, stop by canadian tire, pick up a roof rack and strap that fucking guy that did all those canadian tire commercials to it while you're at it. Everyone fucking hates that guy.
Also, please strap the bald weatherman with the glasses to the car, as his response to Canuck heckling was "next year". Actually, scratch that, make room in the trunk for any Canucks fan that says "next year" in response to this season.
PS - Can you please change shotgun to Ellen page. Because she is in every fucking second movie released in the last year and im fucking tired of hearing her name.
I don't know why, but I have a very large inkling (sp?), that Ellen Page is a lesbian. Maybe it's her way of speaking, or just the way she carries herself, but I'm 35% sure she's gay. I also think that she wants to have a threesome with me.
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