DeathCar

DC Movie Reviews: College Road Trip

The Movie: College Road Trip

The Cast: The fat chick from The Cosby Show, and the black guy from Martin.

The Plot: Parents just don't understand.

The Review: Damn Gina!

The Rating: 3.9 Stars (Out of 1000).

The healing power of bacon.

"Ok, be careful jimmy, this is your last wish. Make sure it's something you really really want."

First the Bacon Bowl and now this? Maybe we should have a bacon themed week here at the old DeathCar? We could get Kevin to host it!

Drain the meat, you're ready to go!

"But Dennis, what if the black kids don't want to work in our shitty restaurants for minimum wage?"

"You leave that to me, Wanda. I have an idea".

Yes. Yes I would.

This is real.

This is a scene from the 1989 Movie "Samurai Cop".

This is not a porno.

This is just a very real scene, from a very real movie, that was written by a very real person.

Enjoy it.

This may very well be the day you die.

Editor's Note: The reaction shots of the black guy are maybe the greatest thing on the planet. God bless the internet.

Wolf in Jews clothing.

I can't start this off any funnier way than with this quote:

"A Belgian writer has admitted that she made up her best-selling "memoir" depicting how, as a Jewish child, she lived with a pack of wolves in the woods during the Holocaust, her lawyers said Friday.
Misha Defonseca's book, "Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years," was translated into 18 languages and made into a feature film in France.
Her two Brussels-based lawyers, siblings Nathalie and Marc Uyttendaele, said the author acknowledged her story was not autobiographical and that she did not trek 1,900 miles as a child across Europe with a pack of wolves in search of her deported parents during World War II."

I'm sorry? A sphincter says what?
"...she did not trek 1,900 miles as a child across Europe with a pack of wolves in search of her deported parents during World War II."

It's like Schindler's List meets ... um ... one of those t-shirts that has a picture of a wolf on it.
Seriously, how did tards not figure this out sooner?
In fact, what exposed this was actually her last name, not her wolf-related antics:

"I'm not an expert on relations between humans and wolves but I am a specialist of the persecution of Jews and they (Defonseca's family) can't be found in the archives," Belgian historian Maxime Steinberg told RTL television. "Her family is not Jewish nor were they registered as Jewish."

Coincidentally, we do have access to an expert on the relations between humans and wolves. He is a Death Car scientist, and we interviewed him yesterday by picking up a red telephone that caused a light to blink on an antique computer in an underground bunker staffed around the clock by Death Car scientists and the monkeys they experiment on.
Dr. Benway, the aforementioned expert, had this to say:

"According to my decades of wolf and human research, wolves generally do not seek out minority groups to protect from persecution by cackling supervillains, Nazis, goblins or other unfriendly types. In fact, wolves tend to bite and scratch humans whenever possible. Humans, for their part, tend to wear shirts that have wolves on them, or work the word "wolf" into rock band names and songs, such as Wolfmother, Wolf Eyes, and whatever band sang "Hungry Like The Wolf". I think it was Duran Duran but I could be wrong."

He's not wrong. He's a DeathCar scientist.

-Tach

Mandy gives without taking.

You remember when you were in Elementary School, and you would do those great impressions of retards, where you hit the side of your hand against your chest and tilt your head to the side, and make that air horn like sound? Ya, this guy got that a lot.

And here you are coming out of your mother's third base.

Best of: Arrested Development quotes (Part 2 of 342)...

Gob: My God, what is this feeling?

Michael: Well, you know the-the feeling that you’re... that you’re feeling is-is what many of us call “a feeling.”

Gob: But it’s not like envy, or even hungry.

Michael: Could it be love?

Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it’s the opposite. It’s... it’s like my heart is getting hard.

George Michael: It's the girl who ripped my heart out. The girl whose face will always be etched in my mind.

George Sr.: Her?

George Michael: [long pause] She's really funny.

George Sr.: Well let's hope so.

Maeby: That Steve sure knows how to please a lady.

George Michael: Good..I-I was hoping he would be gifted sexually.

Gob: I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen.

Michael: This is why I'm calling it a 'witness' and not a best man. All you gotta do is watch.

Gob: Oh I'm not going to pay that kind of money and not watch!

Michael: It's like we finish each other's...

Lindsay: Sandwiches?

Michael: Sentences. Why would I say...